I’ve been told I don’t know how to accept love. I now believe that to be true. How depressing. How can someone not accept love? Not accept nurturing? Not see the negative and instead see the positive? How damaged does one have to be to have this be the case and more importantly, can it be repaired? I hope so.
It’s not that I don’t want to accept it, I just think I am terrified to let someone else in. My heart is pretty beat up. When I think I have my walls down, one more tries to pop up and I am not even aware until it’s too late.
My head is trying to protect me for some reason. Maybe it’s jealous. Yes, that has to be it. It sees that I have supportive and loving friends, and its own insecurities can’t take it, so instead it builds up a new wall, has me overreact and we all know how overreaction usually ends. Not well.
I want and intend to accept this gift of love and support with grace because it’s not given lightly, but it does terrify me.
But a little fear and acceptance is good for the soul. Or so I’ve heard. I guess I just have to accept it.