Reflection is changing

 

“I used to recognize myself. It’s funny how reflections change.” – James Bay

I like his song, Let it Go, but never really, truly, listened to the lyrics. Today I listened and this just stood out.

I’ve changed a lot in the last year. Not fast enough for some and maybe too fast for others, but I’m changing regardless. How can I not? What a year it’s been. It’s not been fun, I won’t lie. It hasn’t all been bad either. I’ve fought tooth and nail to get myself to where I’m currently at, despite the fact that I seem to still resemble a total mess of a person. The thing is, I’ve been called a lot of things this past year, hurtful things that have done damage and some that have made me pause and think. The pause and think things have caused a shift.

My kids are changing as well. It’s been a tough year for them too. My oldest is more drawn to me. I’m not used to it. That’s not saying I don’t like it, but she’s never been the cuddling type, not with me. I know I am not the easiest to cuddle either, we are both a bit restless, can’t just relax. So it’s nice, but I have to adjust and of course I am. If I didn’t that would officially take away my decent person/mother card. And I take what I can get these days.

“It’s funny how reflections change”

I’m becoming a little softer. Easier to approach. I’m trying to be easier on them and I know that is helping. We are all responding to the shifts in the positive. Even with my ex, things are easier and it’s proving to be beneficial for all.

I don’t truly recognize my reflection in the mirror anymore, or maybe I never really did and I’m finally coming into my own. Who knows. All I do know is that my 40th year has been one hell of a journey so far.

 

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